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Colon Blow Update

It’s 3:00 now and to say the day’s been uneventful would be an understatement. It’s freaking boring as hell! I’ve been taking in gallons of clear liquids, in the form of water, chicken broth, jello, and a popsicle. Out of desperation I went for a walk in the shockingly cold sunshine, and took note of every bakery, pizza place, Thai restaurant, and Italian deli in the vicinity. The highlight until now took place two hours ago, when I consumed my first official dose of Colon Blow—the Fleet Phospho-soda Ginger-Lemon Oral Saline Laxative. When I read the instructions a few days ago, I conveniently missed the fact that you don’t just mix 1 T. with 8 oz of ginger ale or something similar, you do that three times in 20 minutes! It didn’t taste too horrible—mostly I was aware of a salty aftertaste, which I’m still experiencing now (yeah, that’s what the word “saline” means)—but taking it in 24 oz of ginger ale, well, I’m not used to all that carbonation. Let’s just say the silence was broken by the sweet melody of my burps for quite a while afterwards.

In another two hours I’ll take more laxatives, in pill form, leading up to this evening’s grand finale at 9:00 (drum roll, please): The enema. Really looking forward to that.

Oddly enough, I don’t feel all that hungry. The chicken broth really seems to be helping. And I heard from the hospital—I’m due in at noon tomorrow. Nothing by mouth after midnight tonight—not even water—until I hit the recovery room. Unless this suddenly gets much, much worse, I have to say the Colon Blow experience has been more about anticipation and fear than actual discomfort.

(Naive, aren’t I? The, um, shit hasn’t even come close to the fan yet. Stay tuned…)

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